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"向小窗戶那頭比了比是否想點吃東西的手勢,主要只想喚醒那時間的停滯... 男子點了點頭,...

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"向小窗戶那頭比了比是否想點吃東西的手勢,主要只想喚醒那時間的停滯... 男子點了點頭,外 邊長廊手推車上仍留有幾份餘留的餐點,接過白米飯與番茄湯的修長手指,那指尖滿是瘀青與污痕,他雙手略微顫抖著,而我的也是。

退到塑膠簾外好讓他安心用餐 (其實更擔心那些食物 可能連同餐盤往我身上飛擲過來),沒多久男子又從裡邊探出頭來,作勢央求我再拿一盤;我 遞上一根菸並替他點燃,頭倚在窗沿他閉上眼貪婪地大口吸吐著,再緩緩將眼睛睜開,那眼神 像個被老師趕到走廊罰站的小男孩...

顧不得四周監視攝影機與院長的囑咐,如同膝眺反應那般直接,我拍了幾張照片,並放下相機 向他點頭致意,透過相機觀景窗,我目睹了可能連院長都不願意承認的畫面 ̶̶ 我看到一個 『人』、既非病人抑或重刑犯,無非就是一個人,不僅正被鎖在這間褊狹的禁閉室、更被他自 己給囚禁在那無邊無際的黑暗;只是那個黑暗,極可能與剛才我在觀景窗裡所遇見那位小男孩 的童年成長過程有關、或許庫德族歷代爭取獨立的渴望甚或外力打壓乃至近期社會動盪與劇變 也是間接成因所在,更遑論這個講求父系制度的部落文化以及強調群體紀律的宗教和價值觀, 若僅一廂情願將靈魂深處最苦澀的傷口給緊鎖在更幽深的昏暗,那股積怨反而只會一而再,再 而三地向外邊拋擲出更多穢物與狂嗥的無奈 ̶̶不過只想提醒外人裡邊傷口正在腐敗、那痛楚情何以堪..."

I motioned towards the window of the confinement cell, to see if the man wanted anything to eat; I just wanted to jumpstart the standstill of time. He nodded his head. There were some remaining meals on the cart in the hallway, I passed some plain rice and tomato soup into his long, slender fingers; his fingernails were peppered with bruises and smudges. His hands trembled slightly, as did mine.

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摘錄自 張 雍 《牧羊人與屠宰場 — 庫德斯坦日記》

by Simon Chang

https://www.books.com.tw/products/0010849826

http://www.eslite.com/product.aspx?pgid=1001156502826618

#牧羊人與屠宰場 #麥田出版 #張雍


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